Friday, July 16, 2010

Humans: The OTHER Other White But Sometimes Black, Brown or Other Colored Meat

Stephen Hawking may be the smartest person on the planet, and he says that those alien folks are not very friendly. He apparently has discovered that aliens not only will not be friendly toward us if we contact them, but they may want to colonize Earth, enslave us and eat us. Just like we do to cattle. I'm starting to think that maybe he's already contacted them via ET phone and already started an intergalactic beef. What did you DO, Stephen?! Did you tell them about the BP oil crisis and how it went on for 85 days without any sort of intervention and now they want to kill us because we're selfish, consumerist pricks? Stevie's come out with a new documentary explaining his theory and why it makes sense. But that's obvious-- because he's the smartest person in the world. So smart that he decided to go to a strip club in Kitchener, Ontario and get a lap dance from a confused hooker while he is in town teaching at University of Waterloo. That doesn't sound very smart to me. Why wouldn't he just see the classy Toronto strippers at the Brass Rail? Why doesn't he just own his own strippers because he has money from teaching astrophysics? Why doesn't he just hire a bunch of aliens to strip for him, shove their privates in his face and call it a day?

Whatever. The thought of those strippers makes me sick to my stomach. Hearing about this made me think of children's renditions of aliens. I love children's drawings-- they're so creepy but also so honest.

Wait a second, that last one doesn't go in there. Oh well. Notice how all these aliens look the same? Have children been watching too much TV? Wtf is a hybrid? Are they trying to imply that humans and aliens will be mating and having children? Is this what teachers are telling kids these days?!

The closest hybrid we're going to get in our lifetime is the fat kid-TV hybrid. The TV is just build right in there, on the muffin top, so the child can watch whenever s/he wants. S/he won't even have to get up to change the channel-- it's all in the nipples.

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